Recently, our dear friends’ daughter lost a classmate by suicide. This was devastating news because this young girl was one of the bright students in her class and had a promising future! When our friends told us about it, I went back to my own personal loss many years ago–a close friend, Ace, who was one of three that I mentored. He, too, took his own life one day, leaving his family and us, his friends, shocked to the core!
What would cause someone to take her/his own life?
Studies have not really found an answer. However, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offer the following possible factors:
Health
- Mental health conditions
- Depression
- Substance use problems
- Bipolar disorder
- Schizophrenia
- Personality traits of aggression, mood changes and poor relationships
- Conduct disorder
- Anxiety disorders
- Serious physical health conditions including pain
- Traumatic brain injury
Environmental
- Access to lethal means including firearms and drugs
- Prolonged stress, such as harassment, bullying, relationship problems or unemployment
- Stressful life events, like rejection, divorce, financial crisis, other life transitions or loss
- Exposure to another person’s suicide, or to graphic or sensationalized accounts of suicide
Historical
- Previous suicide attempts
- Family history of suicide
- Childhood abuse, neglect or trauma
The moment I learned about my friend Ace’s death, I found myself asking the following questions: “Why did you (Ace) do it? Was the burden too great for you to call us for help?” I will never know the answers to these questions. But I do remember promising to be a better friend–to be on the lookout for those warning signs! Here’s a helpful list, again, from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:
Talk
If a person talks about:
- Killing themselves
- Feeling hopeless
- Having no reason to live
- Being a burden to others
- Feeling trapped
- Unbearable pain
Behavior
Behaviors that may signal risk, especially if related to a painful event, loss or change:
- Increased use of alcohol or drugs
- Looking for a way to end their lives, such as searching online for methods
- Withdrawing from activities
- Isolating from family and friends
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Visiting or calling people to say goodbye
- Giving away prized possessions
- Aggression
- Fatigue
Mood
People who are considering suicide often display one or more of the following moods:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Loss of interest
- Irritability
- Humiliation/Shame
- Agitation/Anger
- Relief/Sudden Improvement
Some practical things that you and I can do:
- Slow down — life today is in a frenzy! We can end up to be too busy for a friend in need to contact; too busy to notice the warning signs.
- Stay truly connected — make the effort to connect with family and friends, not just the quasi-FB-style connection. Listen well. Love deeply.
- Educate ourselves — visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website and other sites that are highly informative and can help you help someone.
- Be a good listener — listen intently; listen well.
Remember, too, that there’s the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline which is available 24 hours! (800) 273-8255
