Last week, I came across this quote from Gisele Bündchen, football legend Tom Brady’s now ex-wife:
“Sometimes you grow together; sometimes you grow apart,” she added. “When I was 26 years old and he was 29 years old, we met, we wanted a family, we wanted things together. As time goes by, we realize that we just wanted different things, and now we have a choice to make. That doesn’t mean you don’t love the person. It just means that in order for you to be authentic and truly live the life that you want to live, you have to have somebody who can meet you in the middle, right? It’s a dance. It’s a balance.”
Although it saddens me to see another marriage fall apart, this quote does highlight the reality of married life–the constant need for both parties to “meet each other in the middle”!
This is real in my own marriage. My wife and I are “polar opposites”. She is into fashion and the latest craze; I’m content with wearing jeans and a t-shirt and wearing my old “faves”. She’s the happy, carefree one; I’m the serious, structured person. She can spend hours following the latest on the assassination of the late Negros Oriental Governor Roel Degamo and the conspiracy behind that tragedy; I’m content on getting the “Cliff Notes” version of the latest updates. She requires the time to hang out with her co-workers in social settings; I get re-energized by being alone either at home, out in nature, or going on long drives. Her “love language” is gifts; mine is quality time. She is an “otter”; I’m the “lion” (or at least I was at one point! For more on this, check out this article: 4 Animals Personality Test).
I could go on and on listing down our differences. But you get the point: every marriage is made up of two individuals with two very different personalities, upbringings, and experiences. And if the concerned parties continue to focus on their differences and dwell on these, instead of finding those common things that allow them to “meet each other in the middle”, that marriage is doomed to fail. Period!
So what have I learned from my marriage, albeit it only being 5 years old? Allow me to offer these:
- A bedrock of faith — Bedrock is defined as “the main principles on which something is based”. Another definition states: “the bedrock of something is the principles, ideas, or facts on which it is based.” When my wife and I talked about marriage, we listed down things which we each considered as non-negotiables. On each of our lists, faith was one of the things listed. And personally, I can say that were it not for my faith in God and in the fact that He brought my wife and I together, I would have already given up on my marriage in the early years. Looking back at what we had to work on and the regular attacks on our marriage from some family members on her side, faith in God and His sustaining power made it possible to take the next step forward each day.
- Wisdom from Family and Godly friends — For me, this was equally important to having the bedrock of faith. Many times, I had long conversations with family and friends who we believed would speak God’s truth and were truly for our marriage succeeding. Their advice, prayers, and encouragement were lifelines on very difficult times. Surrounding yourself with people who love you and will tell you the truth–like, “Eric, take a step back and be more understanding! You’ve always wanted to control things.”–is a must!! No sugar coating is needed, as you know you are in a safe place with them, and that they’re on your team!
- Marriage is work — I don’t exactly remember when I first heard this phrase used to describe marriage. But I have now come to understand the wisdom behind this. Marriage DOES require work. This isn’t for the faint hearted, nor the onion-skinned, weaklings, or the lazy! Like anything of importance to you–anything that you believe is of worth–marriage requires protecting, nurturing, and building. And all of these are action words and entail work, work, and continuous work. From the books I have read on marriage, and the stories that get highlighted on the news, and including the first-account revelations I’ve been fortunate to hear, one thing was clear to me: a marriage starts to fall apart when one of the parties chooses to be lazy, to neglect their part in the work process, or to selfishly only focus on his or her needs. Successful marriages become successful and last through years because committed parties work hard at it. That’s the plain and simple truth.
May God bless us with the understanding to keep our marriages strong: be marriage partners who constantly meet each other in the middle!
The BEST you have ever written, Big Bro. And we share the same truths about marriage and may those who read be encouraged, too . Keep penning, Linus the Viking!😁
Wow! Thanks for the unbiased rating, Sissy. 😀
Marriage really works victoriously when God is at the center of it all. It is a three way relationship.
Indeed! Salamat sa comment, Ate Bobbie. Trust you all are well!
Great insights! Keep meeting in the middle and dance. Eventually you stop stepping on each others toes. But you have to work on it first.
Salamat. Only by God’s grace are we able to know who we are and our differences, and have the courage to, as you put it, “keep meeting in the middle and dance”. Here’s to the great dancers!
Hard work and many times you’ll think it’s not working but it’s all part of God’s plan to build the marriage stronger.
I love how you defined the differences between you and Gay. Difference yet the strengths for our weaknesses to have a balanced marriage 😊
Salamat pod for this. God uses our strengths and amplifies them so the marriage bond becomes stronger. And He shows us and highlights our weaknesses to remind us of our dependence on Him. For in our weakness, He is strong! God bless all our marriages.