In this blog, I’d like to talk about words and its effect on us.
Growing up, one of the rhymes taught in school was “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me.” Researching the origin of this rhyme pointed to Gary Martin’s The Phrase Finder site, where he explains:
‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me’ is a stock response to verbal bullying in school playgrounds throughout the English-speaking world. It sounds a little antiquated these days and has no doubt been superseded by more streetwise comebacks.
The earliest citation of it that I can find is from an American periodical with a largely black audience, The Christian Recorder, March 1862:
Remember the old adage, ‘Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me’. True courage
consists in doing what is right, despite the jeers and sneers of our companions.
Observing what’s happening in the world today, through news reports, talk shows, emails, Facebook posts, and other social media updates, I see three ways people look at words and its effect on us, and here they are:
- The “Sticks and stones may break my bones…” mindset — As Gary Martin pointed out, the rhyme was used as a “stock response to verbal bullying”. I appreciate and understand the need to teach kids the correct way of handling bullying (bullying, in all aspects, is wrong. Period!). However, I think there’s a missing lesson to this: to not diminish or ignore the impact and power of words. To do so, I think, is to ignore the reality of words being powerful. If you don’t believe this, then ask yourself why the “N-word” or other derogatory monickers elicits very strong reactions from people even today. Or why Martin Luther King Jr.’s I Have a Dream speech is still considered “among the most iconic speeches in American history“. So this part of the popular rhyme–“…words will never harm me.”–is really not entirely correct. Words can scar us for life!
- The Bully — This is the person who has clearly understood the power of words, and who is herself/himself “empowered” by name-calling (“Sleepy Joe”, “Chink”, “Flip”, “Fresh off the boat”, to name a few)! This is the very person that prompted the creation of the above-mentioned rhyme. Oxford Languages defines her/him as “a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.” We see this type of people in society, whether politics, business, education, or local communities. Researching about bullying brought me to this Psychology Today article on Bullying, where I saw the following notes, making me wonder if the present-day bullies have really matured at all?
- Studies indicate that bullying peaks around ages 11 to 13 and decreases as children grow older. Overt physical aggression such as kicking, hitting, and shoving is most common among younger children; relational aggression—damaging or manipulating the relationships of others, such as spreading rumors, and social exclusion—is more common as children mature.
- Most bullying occurs in and around school and on playgrounds, although the internet lends itself to particularly distressing forms of bullying. Approximately 20 percent of students report being bullied at school, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. Boys and girls are equally likely to be bullied.
- Why People Bully — People bully because it can be an effective way of getting what they want, at least in the short term, and because they lack the social skills to do so without harming others. Bullying also is a way of establishing social dominance, although over time, as children’s behavioral repertoires generally broaden, it becomes an increasingly dysfunctional way.
- The Glib Talker — This is the person who also understands the power and importance of words, but uses them with little interest in truth or does so with questionable intentions. Based on my experience with this type of person, she/he easily uses key words/watchwords/popularized terms to suit her/his needs to achieve selfish outcomes. Or this happens when words are overused so much so that they lose their original meaning or aren’t as effective as before. Examples of these that I’ve seen: “I love you!”, “Sorry!”, “Great job!”, “Awesome!”. Yourdictionary proffers this meaning of “glib talk”: “Given to or characterized by fluency of speech or writing that often suggests insincerity, superficiality, or a lack of concern.” For the glib talker, words are “a dime a dozen”.
So what am I encouraging you to do in light of the above?
Here’s what I am suggesting:
- Check ourselves if we are subscribing to any of the above mindsets/viewpoints.
- Understand and accept that words are powerful.
- Finally, we need to:
- be mindful of what words we use in our conversations, especially those important conversations involving our children, our loved ones, and those who are vulnerable; and
- check ourselves against these questions:
- Do we really mean what we say?
- Are we being careless with words?
- Are we being glib talkers?
