Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to teach my toddler so that he is equipped for the challenges he’ll face down the road. Yup! The project manager in me is already planning things. Don’t get me wrong! I am very well aware that Ari is still 2 years and 5 months! (My wife, my mom, and my sister are quick to remind me of this fact!) However, I also believe it’s never too early to teach our son time-tested values. The trick though is how to take these lessons and translate them into easily understood concepts.
Luckily, I have some good sources to call on: my very own family members and close friends who have successfully raised either adults who are now contributing members of society, OR teenagers and young adults who conduct themselves well both in private and public settings. To these folks, thank you so much for your help in making this series possible!
Disclaimer: This series will be six blogs long, each blog about a value that I learned when I was growing up, and which I still keep even today. The idea is to share how my parents taught each value to me, and how we can pass this on to our little ones (this is where the input from my good sources mentioned above will come in!).
So let’s talk about integrity!
First up, here are what I thought were the two best working definitions, taken from my online research on this topic:
Integrity means doing the right thing and being dependable. It is being impeccable in all of your actions, public and private. It means standing for what you believe in and being a man who can be trusted in all situations.
Barry Hampe
Personal note: I have to say that Hampe’s definition of integrity is spot on, and aligns with what my parents taught me: if you are a man of integrity, you are who you say you are in your private and public life; whether in your own room, with your family, or with your friends. Dad also reminded me of the fact that I was a Funda (my mother’s family) and a Sardual, and that people were looking at how I was conducting myself in public. Therefore, I shouldn’t be doing things that were going to tarnish the family name.
Here’s another definition:
A man of integrity will do the right thing at all times. If he comes to a rare situation where he has been shown to be wrong, he will immediately correct the situation. He will not allow his own pride to interfere with doing the right thing.
Josh Manson writes in Quora
Personal note: The part I like about this definition is the part about the person, when shown where he/she is wrong, immediately corrects the situation, not allowing pride to stop him/her from doing the right thing. This reminded me of a conversation I had with my Dad years ago. I can’t remember the exact circumstances that led to this conversation, except that I did something wrong, and he was scolding me. Here’s the gist of what he said: “Being smart doesn’t mean anything unless you change your ways especially when you’re wrong and made aware of it. Being rich doesn’t give you the right to mistreat the poor or take advantage of them. Privilege comes with responsibility. Remember that always!”
The other day, my brother, Robert, shared the following:
Integrity is best displayed when we teach our kids, as they don’t really learn from what we tell them to do but rather from our behavior. Parents change to align themselves to what they teach their kids.
I’ve got colleagues who stopped swearing when their toddlers started swearing 🤣
So how to teach my toddler integrity? Well, right now, the best way is to model this for him, by the way I conduct myself in the house, just as my brother suggested. Through our example, my wife and I hope that Ari learns integrity in its simplest form. We already know that kids learn the craziest things at home, and that they learn these really fast. If you don’t believe me, watch this YouTube compilation of some of the best clips from the TV show Kids Say the Darndest Things. I’m sure you’ll laugh in disbelief at how kids picked up a lot from their parents.
One other thing that my wife and I do is to remind Ari of what his name means, and to repeat this often. Our hope is that when he does get old enough to understand more complex things, it’ll be easier to explain integrity to him. For now, it’s as simple as saying to him, “What is your name? Your name is Ari. And it means lion. That means strength.”
I close with this “Winners and Winners” story submitted by Al Covino in A 4th Course of Chicken Soup for the Soul. This is where we ultimately want Ari to be, when he’s a teenager.
As a high school coach, I did all I could to help my boys win their games. I rooted as hard for victory as they did. A dramatic incident, however, following a game in which I officiated as a referee, changed my perspective on victories and defeats. I was refereeing a league championship basketball game in New Rochelle, New York, between New Rochelle and Yonkers High. New Rochelle was coached by Dan O’Brien, Yonkers by Les Beck. The gym was crowded to capacity, and the volume of noise made it impossible to hear. The game was well played and closely contested. Yonkers was leading by one point as I glanced at the clock and discovered there were but 30 seconds left to play. Yonkers, in possession of the ball, passed off – shot – missed. New Rochelle recovered – pushed the ball up court – shot. The ball rolled tantalizingly around the rim and off. The fans shrieked. New Rochelle, the home team, recovered the ball, and tapped it in for what looked like victory. The tumult was deafening. I glanced at the clock and saw that the game was over. I hadn’t heard the final buzzer because of the noise. I checked with the other official, but he could not help me. Still seeking help in this bedlam, I approached the timekeeper, a young man of 17 or so. He said, “Mr. Covino, the buzzer went off as the ball rolled off the rim, before the final tap-in was made.” I was in the unenviable position of having to tell Coach O’Brien the sad news. “Dan,” I said, “time ran out before the final basket was tapped in. Yonkers won the game.” His face clouded over. The young timekeeper came up. He said, “I’m sorry, Dad. The time ran out before the final basket.” Suddenly, like the sun coming out from behind a cloud, Coach O’Brien’s face lit up. He said, “That’s okay, Joe. You did what you had to do. I’m proud of you.” Turning to me, he said, “Al, I want you to meet my son, Joe.” The two of them then walked off the court together, the coach’s arm around his son’s shoulder.
If you have stories of integrity that you’d like to share, please comment below. I’d like to hear them.